All Trees, No Forest, Truthiness and We Ball
So, rather later than usual, the lovely Bay Area Spring has arrived. I know, I know, for those of you who suffer through real summers and winters, get out the violins and handkerchiefs, since we all know that there is little sadder sight than watching Californians huddling and trembling, down parka encased, in the bitter 55 degree cold. Still, we all get accustomed to wherever we are as the new baseline, and the Bay Area did pretty much turn in to Seattle for March and April. I was reminded of that deep melancholy which accompanies Pacific Northwesters on their daily rounds, sucking down copious quantities of caffeinated drinks and other hallucinogens in a losing effort to stave off the ever available rain and gloom.
One reason I think it is so hard for Californian jazzers, esp in the Bay, to take the plunge for NYC, is the sheer pleasantness of life here. The fear that life will be hard, cold, hot and uncomfortable for Cali types in NYC is an accurate one. That is why I see such a surprising # of talented folks never going to finishing school in NYC, or if they do go, they go at 30 or 35 or 40, and it seems to be more of a career move than a wish to excellence. Also, the level of play is so much higher here than just about any of the other non-NYC metropolises, that it is pretty easy to convince yourself that your 2 year sojourn at Berklee, or summer in the Village will suffice. You really need a serious passion to be the best you can to leave here for there. Much much easier to go from a place like Vancouver, Cleveland or Lubbock, though I continue to maintain it is an indispensable part of the journey to spend some years there in the trenches back when it can still make a difference to your playing.
To that end, I had a great talk with my friend and amazing drummer Steve Smith, about the New York scene nowadays. Some faithful readers may recall that we co-led a band for 8 years, did a lot of gigs, a tour with Liebman, CD, etc…Steve is a very very smart cat and a magnificent drummer, a real student of the drums who is constantly trying to improve himself and learn new things. We had a great musical hook-up, as his drive, energy, precision, musicality and swing (yes, swing, the drummer for journey swings his ass off!) played well with my Lieb, Wayne, Trane approach. As a general rule, our own musical predilections are a little different, but we found wonderful common ground, including some ferocious duets, and playing with him really helped raise the level of what I could do. Steve has moved out of the area now, splitting his time between Southern Oregon and Manhattan, and he’s on the road most of the year, so we don’t get much opportunity to play, but he is somebody with whom I know I could pick up where we left off whenever the chance does arrive.
Steve had some observations on the new generation jazz in NYC which gibed with mine on the new generation Bay Area jazz and what I’ve heard of the new NYC…there is a lot of beautiful, subtle and elegant music being made, but there is, to put it as Steve did, a feeling that the music never gets above medium. Steve went to hear a drumming hero and noted that the sax player, (no names, please) while excellent, never got above medium, and that is consistent with what he has heard. He contrasted that with Bob Berg, who always started his solos at "11". I think a lot of young tenor players learned the wrong lessons from Lovano, who was kind of presented as the anti-Brecker in the mid-80s. If you hear Joe live, you know that at his core, he is a powerful and ferocious swinger, but a lot of the younger generation is infatuated with his ethereal and abstract side, as well as the cerebralisms of Warne Marsh and ESPECIALLY Wayne, missing the fact of THEIR deeply swinging and passionate sides. All you have to do is listen to one Miles live recording from the 60s to hear it in Wayne. (I do confess to not being a huge Warne Marsh fan. I find the Tristano stuff a little bloodless, but save the angry emails. I recognize his brilliance and skill and intellect, it just does not speak to my heart. A little too chilly for me. Sometimes, no matter how tasty the gazpacho, if you don't like gazpacho, you don't like gazpacho, and I don't like gazpacho.)
Anyway, back to Steve's point on not going above medium. That makes sense to me, and I think a couple of things have happened. A lot of the most influential groups nowadays seem wary and suspicious of unfettered and cathartic emotion in the music, and seem determined to do what can best be called ironic jazz or raised eyebrow jazz. This is a huge departure from the tradition on which I was weaned, as were so many. From Louis to Lester to Bird to Miles to Trane to Wayne to Lieb to Brecker, you could call these guys many things, but ironic was not one of them. They were and are serious as a heart attack, no ironic distance from their own music. It had nothing to do with style either. Bill Evans and McCoy Tyner are about as polar opposites as one can think of, but both are/were utterly sincere and committed to their art. It does strike me that a lot of what I hear in the non-avant world now is almost clinically cool and detached, with an apparent deliberate desire to never go to 11, or, using a painter’s analogy, they throw all the reds and yellows and oranges out of the paint box.
Students of mine came to me the other day, raving about a version of Giant Steps with Brecker and Mintzer, wanting to know if there was anything else by them. I pulled Invitation from Jaco’s birthday celebration up, and we had our souls overwhelmed by the utterly ferocious burn coming from Mintzer and ESPECIALLY Brecker. It reminded me of when Rachel Z, George Schuller and I went to hear Steps Ahead with Brecker, Erskine, Eddie Gomez and Eliane Elias in Boston about 25 years ago. At one point, Brecker, Erskine and Gomez blew on the Young and Fine tag for about 10 minutes, and it just floored everyone. Schuller and I went back to his father’s (yes, Gunther) house afterwards, and played duos for about 3 hours later that night, trying to recreate some of that incendiary fire. THAT is what folks of my generation were suckled on, and while all of us did try to sound WAY too much like Mike Brecker for a while, the lesson of utter burn and commitment from Lieb, Brecker, Grossman, Berg, Joe Hen, Eddie Daniels, Bergonzi, and so on and so on was a good one.
To that end, we also went out to listen to any good players we could, wherever and whenever. Whether it was Bergonzi or Bob Mover for 7 people at the Willow or Brecker for 3000, we were there. In contrast, Susan and I were struck by how few Jazzschool students have come down to our Monday gigs at Anna's. They seem to be under the impression that going out to hear great live playing is not a part of becoming a better player. All modesty aside, there is no jazz quartet in town playing better than this one right now, and in our day, we all would have seized the opportunity to learn by listening. Nowadays, the youngsters have so many opportunities to play, from my jazzschool group to the various sfjazz all-star high school groups, and I fear that they will delude themselves into thinking that they are the shit, because they hear it so much. Yesterday, I worked with my student group and they sounded outstanding FOR 16 and 17 year olds!!! When I sat and listened to the trio of Susan, Shifflett and Bulkley the difference in level was, well…astonishing, and what you would expect when comparing master musicians who have been playing the music 20 to 40 years, compared with teenagers. Every aspiring Bay Area jazz musician should be down there as often as possible to soak it up and learn, because you just can’t get a lot of the magical, ineffable stuff from records. Every young drummer should be glued to Bulkley’s ride cymbal, his touch, his effortless musicality, to Shifflett’s profound groove and unerring artistry, to Susan’s beautiful comping and solo development, and so on…As much as I got from listening to all those Brecker recordings I absorbed, I got far far more from the evenings I heard him live, esp in the clubs in NYC, such as the night I rested a foot on the stage at the Vanguard, watched him with Abecrombie and said “oh, that’s what he’s doing there” or “oh, he played that cause of what Erskine just did on the drums” and so on.
Jazz is the ultimately communicative and interactive art form and is meant to be heard and seen live. I’ve played some good solos on record, but nothing like the live gigs. I think that is true for any real jazzer, and you can easily hear it by A/B-ing Trane live and in the studio. Of course, the extra spice, the secret sauce, the keys to the kingdom? Hearing and seeing it live – nothing matches it.
I had a conversation with one of my students, a great young kid, who was explaining that the reason he was thinking of Berklee over New York, was that he would have a chance to play with some of his best peers there, since he knew other Cali student hotshots going there. I tried to explain to him that the larger point was being in an environment where you could hear the best musicians in the world on a nightly basis in the clubs. Not sure he got it. Then again, these students don’t take advantage of that now, even in the bay area, and I think they are missing out because of it.
To bring the conversation full circle, I believe that one reason there is less burn, ferocity, passion etc is that the younger generation is so busy playing with fellow wunderkind peers that they don’t get out to listen, instead spending endless hours in some kind of superjazz kid hermetically sealed environment, even to the point where about 7-8 of the ones I teach recycle the same awkwardly hip lick amongst each other, and assure each other that it is the bomb. When they do listen, it is usually on Itunes to some bloodless studio recording or other, and rarely do they go to live gigs. I hate to say this, but when they do, it sometimes seems like it is for starfucking or career-enhancing opportunities. This may partially account for what Steve and I independently concluded was missing from a lot of the younger generation’s music. All trees, no forest.
Nuff said for now, though there may be another screed coming on jazz irony, something I think is antithetical to the art.
On two other brief notes, mad props to Stephen Colbert for speaking truthiness to power. He pantsed the supine and whorelike media and shamed Bush in the best tradition of the Shakespearean fool. And for the record, he was extraordinarily funny, too. Jonathan Swift would have been proud.
On another note, more mad props to Steve Nash, the Phoenix Suns and the triumph of we ball over me ball. How wonderful that 7 of the 8 teams standing are led by team-first players. The lesson people drew from Jordan was the wrong one, and, like a bad penny, spawned the Iverson, Marbury and especially Kobe phenomenon. Hopefully, with models like Dallas, San Antonio, Detroit, Phoenix and New Jersey, we will see the shaking off of me-ball and the ascension of we-ball as the model.
Anyway, between Nash and Colbert, sometimes the good guys do win, so I am raising a glass of the adult beverage of your choice to we ball and speaking truthiness to power.
In case you missed it, here is the transcript of Colbert’s brilliance:
STEPHEN COLBERT: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Before I begin, I've been asked to make an announcement. Whoever parked 14 black bulletproof S.U.V.'s out front, could you please move them? They are blocking in 14 other black bulletproof S.U.V.'s and they need to get out.
Wow. Wow, what an honor. The White House correspondents' dinner. To actually sit here, at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush, to be this close to the man. I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what? I'm a pretty sound sleeper -- that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face. Is he really not here tonight? Dammit. The one guy who could have helped.
By the way, before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Somebody from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail. Mark Smith, ladies and gentlemen of the press corps, Madame First Lady, Mr. President, my name is Stephen Colbert and tonight it's my privilege to celebrate this president. We're not so different, he and I. We get it. We're not brainiacs on the nerd patrol. We're not members of the factinista. We go straight from the gut, right sir? That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. I know some of you are going to say "I did look it up, and that's not true." That's 'cause you looked it up in a book.
Next time, look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works. Every night on my show, the Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, OK? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the "No Fact Zone." Fox News, I hold a copyright on that term.
I'm a simple man with a simple mind. I hold a simple set of beliefs that I live by. Number one, I believe in America. I believe it exists. My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I strongly believe it has 50 states. And I cannot wait to see how the Washington Post spins that one tomorrow. I believe in democracy. I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out of plastic for three cents a unit.
In fact, Ambassador Zhou Wenzhong, welcome. Your great country makes our Happy Meals possible. I said it's a celebration. I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible -- I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical. And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be you Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.
Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it's yogurt. But I refuse to believe it's not butter. Most of all, I believe in this president.
Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.
So, Mr. President, please, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. 32% means the glass -- it's important to set up your jokes properly, sir. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash.
Okay, look, folks, my point is that I don't believe this is a low point in this presidency. I believe it is just a lull before a comeback. I mean, it's like the movie "Rocky." All right. The president in this case is Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed is -- everything else in the world. It's the tenth round. He's bloodied. His corner man, Mick, who in this case I guess would be the vice president, he's yelling, "Cut me, Dick, cut me!," and every time he falls everyone says, "Stay down! Stay down!" Does he stay down? No. Like Rocky, he gets back up, and in the end he -- actually, he loses in the first movie.
OK. Doesn't matter. The point is it is the heart-warming story of a man who was repeatedly punched in the face. So don't pay attention to the approval ratings that say 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he's not doing? Think about it. I haven't.
I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message: that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound -- with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.
Now, there may be an energy crisis. This president has a very forward-thinking energy policy. Why do you think he's down on the ranch cutting that brush all the time? He's trying to create an alternative energy source. By 2008 we will have a mesquite-powered car!
And I just like the guy. He's a good Joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half. And polls show America agrees. She's a true lady and a wonderful woman. But I just have one beef, ma'am.
I'm sorry, but this reading initiative. I'm sorry, I've never been a fan of books. I don't trust them. They're all fact, no heart. I mean, they're elitist, telling us what is or isn't true, or what did or didn't happen. Who's Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American! I'm with the president, let history decide what did or did not happen.
The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man's beliefs never will.
As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of every story: the president's side, and the vice president's side.
But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they're super-depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished.
Over the last five years you people were so good -- over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.
But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the Decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know - fiction!
Because really, what incentive do these people have to answer your questions, after all? I mean, nothing satisfies you. Everybody asks for personnel changes. So the White House has personnel changes. Then you write, "Oh, they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic." First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg!
Now, it's not all bad guys out there. Some are heroes: Christopher Buckley, Jeff Sacks, Ken Burns, Bob Schieffer. They've all been on my show. By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be on my show. I was just as shocked as everyone here is, I promise you. How's Tuesday for you? I've got Frank Rich, but we can bump him. And I mean bump him. I know a guy. Say the word.
See who we've got here tonight. General Moseley, Air Force Chief of Staff. General Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. They still support Rumsfeld. Right, you guys aren't retired yet, right? Right, they still support Rumsfeld.
Look, by the way, I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble: don't let them retire! Come on, we've got a stop-loss program; let's use it on these guys. I've seen Zinni and that crowd on Wolf Blitzer. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you can stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle. Come on.
Jesse Jackson is here, the Reverend. Haven't heard from the Reverend in a little while. I had him on the show. Very interesting and challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but he's going to say what he wants, at the pace that he wants. It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
Justice Scalia is here. Welcome, sir. May I be the first to say, you look fantastic. How are you? [After each sentence, Colbert makes a hand gesture, an allusion to Scalia's recent use of an obscene Sicilian hand gesture in speaking to a reporter about Scalia's critics. Scalia is seen laughing hysterically.] Just talking some Sicilian with my paisan.
John McCain is here. John McCain, John McCain, what a maverick! Somebody find out what fork he used on his salad, because I guarantee you it wasn't a salad fork. This guy could have used a spoon! There's no predicting him. By the way, Senator McCain, it's so wonderful to see you coming back into the Republican fold. I have a summer house in South Carolina; look me up when you go to speak at Bob Jones University. So glad you've seen the light, sir.
Mayor Nagin! Mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city! Yeah, give it up. Mayor Nagin, I'd like to welcome you to Washington, D.C., the chocolate city with a marshmallow center. And a graham cracker crust of corruption. It's a Mallomar, I guess is what I'm describing, a seasonal cookie.
Joe Wilson is here, Joe Wilson right down here in front, the most famous husband since Desi Arnaz. And of course he brought along his lovely wife Valerie Plame. Oh, my god. [looks horrified] Oh, what have I said? I -- Je- minetti (sp?). I am sorry, Mr. President, I meant to say he brought along his lovely wife Joe Wilson's wife. Patrick Fitzgerald is not here tonight? OK. Dodged a bullet.
And, of course, we can't forget the man of the hour, new press secretary, Tony Snow. Secret Service name, "Snow Job." Toughest job. What a hero. Took the second toughest job in government, next to, of course, the ambassador to Iraq.
Got some big shoes to fill, Tony. Big shoes to fill. Scott McClellan could say nothing like nobody else. McClellan, of course, eager to retire. Really felt like he needed to spend more time with Andrew Card's children. Mr. President, I wish you hadn't made the decision so quickly, sir.
I was vying for the job myself. I think I would have made a fabulous press secretary. I have nothing but contempt for these people. I know how to handle these clowns.
In fact, sir, I brought along an audition tape and with your indulgence, I'd like to at least give it a shot. So, ladies and gentlemen, my press conference.
BEGINNING OF "AUDITION TAPE"
Colbert shows a video of a mock press conference. It opens with an empty podium. Colbert's head rises from behind the podium until Colbert is standing at the podium. He addresses the assembled Washington press corps.
COLBERT: I have a brief statement: the press is destroying America. OK, let's see who we've got here today.
COLBERT (acknowledging various reporters): Stretch! (David Gregory nods)
Sir Nerdlington! (reporter nods)
Sloppy Joe! (reporter nods)
Terry Lemon Moran Pie! (Terry Moran nods)
Oh, Doubting Thomas, always a pleasure. (Helen Thomas smiles)
And Suzanne Mal -- hello!!
(Suzanne Malveaux stares at Colbert, looking unhappy. Colbert mimics putting a phone to his ear and mouths "call me.")
REPORTER: Will the Vice President be available soon to answer all questions himself?
COLBERT: I've already addressed that question. You (pointing to another reporter).
REPORTER: Walter Cronkite, the noted CBS anchor, . . .
COLBERT (interrupting): Ah, no, he's the former CBS anchor. Katie Couric is the new anchor of the CBS Evening News. Well, well, how do you guys feel about that?
You, tousle-haired guy in the back. Are you happy about Katie Couric taking over the CBS Evening News?
DAN RATHER: No, sir, Mr. Colbert. Are you? (Laughter)
COLBERT: Boom! Oh, look, we woke David Gregory up. Question?
DAVID GREGORY: Did Karl Rove commit a crime?
COLBERT: I don't know. I'll ask him.
(Colbert turns to Rove) Karl, pay attention please! (Rove is seen drawing a heart with "Karl + Stephen" written on it.)
GREGORY: Do you stand by your statement from the fall of 2003 when you were asked specifically about Karl, and Elliott Abrams, and Scooter Libby, and you said "I've gone to each of those gentlemen, and they have told me that they are not involved in this." Do you stand by that statement?
COLBERT: Nah, I was just kidding!
GREGORY: No, you're not finishing. You're not saying anything! You stood at that podium and said . . .
COLBERT (interrupting): Ah, that's where you're wrong. New podium! Just had it delivered today. Get your facts straight, David.
GREGORY: This is ridiculous. The notion that you're going to stand before us after having commented with that level of detail and tell the people watching this that somehow you've decided not to talk. You've got to . . .
(Colbert is seen looking at three buttons on the podium, labeled "EJECT," "GANNON" and "VOLUME." He selects the "VOLUME" button and turns it. We see Gregory's lips continue moving, but can't hear any sound coming out.)
COLBERT: If I can't hear you, I can't answer your question. I'm sorry! I have to move on. Terry.
TERRY MORAN: After the investigation began, after the criminal investigation was underway, you said . . .
(Colbert presses a button on the podium and fast-forwards through most of Moran's question.)
MORAN (continuing): All of a sudden, you have respect for the sanctity of a criminal investigation?
COLBERT (seen playing with rubber ball, which he is bouncing off attached paddle): No, I never had any respect for the sanctity of a criminal investigation. Activist judges! Yes, Helen.
HELEN THOMAS: You're going to be sorry. (Laughter)
COLBERT (looking vastly amused, mockingly): What are you going to do, Helen, ask me for a recipe?
THOMAS: Your decision to invade Iraq has caused the deaths of thousands (Colbert's smile fades) of Americans and Iraqis, wounds of Americans and Iraqis for a lifetime.
COLBERT (interrupting): OK, hold on Helen, look . . .
THOMAS (continuing): Every reason given, publicly at least, has turned out not to be true. My question is, why did you really want to go to war?
COLBERT (again interrupting): Helen, I'm going to stop you right there. (Thomas keeps talking.) That's enough! No! Sorry, Helen, I'm moving on. (Colbert tries to turn her volume off, but the knob falls off his controls.)
(Various reporters start shouting questions at Colbert.)
COLBERT (agitated): Guys, guys, please don't let Helen do this to what was a lovely day.
(Reporters keep shouting at him.)
COLBERT (putting his fingers over his ears and shouting in a high-pitched voice): Bllrrtt! No, no, no, no, no. I'm not listening to you!
Look what you did, Helen! I hate you!
(Helen Thomas glowers at Colbert.)
COLBERT (frantic): I'm out of here!
(Colbert pulls back the curtain behind him, desperately trying to flee. He says, "There is a wall here!" The press corps laughs. Colbert has difficulty finding a door from which to exit the room, echoing Bush's experience in China. He finally finds the door and hurries through it.)
COLBERT: It reeks in there! Ridiculous! I've never been so insulted in my life! Stupid job.
(Colbert continues walking away. We hear sinister-sounding music playing. We see Helen Thomas walking behind Colbert.)
(Colbert looks behind him, sees Thomas, and starts running.)
(Colbert trips over a roller skate. He yells "Condi!" We see a close-up of Helen Thomas' face, looking determined and angry. Colbert, increasingly panicked, gets up and continues running, running into a parking garage. He reaches an emergency call box, and yells into it.)
COLBERT: Oh, thank God. Help me!
ATTENDANT: What seems to be the problem, sir?
COLBERT: She won't stop asking why we invaded Iraq!
ATTENDANT: Hey, why did we invade Iraq?
COLBERT: NO!!! (runs toward his car)
(We see Helen Thomas, still walking toward him.)
(Colbert reaches his car, and fumblingly attempts to open it with his key. He is in such a desperate hurry that he fumbles with the keys and drops them. When he picks them up, he looks back and Helen is even closer. In his frantic rush, Colbert just can't get the key into the lock.)
(Just as his anxiety is getting completely out of control he suddenly remembers that he has a keyless remote -- so he just pushes the button on the keychain and the car unlocks immediately with the usual double squeak noise. Colbert jumps in and locks the door, and continues to fumble trying to start the car. He finally succeeds, and looks up to see Helen standing in front of the car, notepad in hand.)
COLBERT: NO!!! NO!!!
(Colbert puts the car into reverse and drives off, tires squealing. Thomas smiles.)
(Colbert is shown taking the shuttle from Washington, D.C. to New York. A car and driver are waiting for him at Penn Station. The uniformed man standing alongside the car opens the door and lets Colbert in.)
COLBERT: What a terrible trip, Danny. Take me home.
(The driver locks the doors, turns around, and says, "Buckle up, hon." IT'S HELEN THOMAS!!!)
COLBERT (horrified face pressed against car window): NO!!!
END OF "AUDITION TAPE"
STEPHEN COLBERT: Helen Thomas, ladies and gentlemen. Mr. Smith, members of the White House Correspondents Association, Madame First Lady, Mr. President, it's been a true honor. Thank you very much. Good night!
Here is one place to watch the clip:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=364x1062761
One reason I think it is so hard for Californian jazzers, esp in the Bay, to take the plunge for NYC, is the sheer pleasantness of life here. The fear that life will be hard, cold, hot and uncomfortable for Cali types in NYC is an accurate one. That is why I see such a surprising # of talented folks never going to finishing school in NYC, or if they do go, they go at 30 or 35 or 40, and it seems to be more of a career move than a wish to excellence. Also, the level of play is so much higher here than just about any of the other non-NYC metropolises, that it is pretty easy to convince yourself that your 2 year sojourn at Berklee, or summer in the Village will suffice. You really need a serious passion to be the best you can to leave here for there. Much much easier to go from a place like Vancouver, Cleveland or Lubbock, though I continue to maintain it is an indispensable part of the journey to spend some years there in the trenches back when it can still make a difference to your playing.
To that end, I had a great talk with my friend and amazing drummer Steve Smith, about the New York scene nowadays. Some faithful readers may recall that we co-led a band for 8 years, did a lot of gigs, a tour with Liebman, CD, etc…Steve is a very very smart cat and a magnificent drummer, a real student of the drums who is constantly trying to improve himself and learn new things. We had a great musical hook-up, as his drive, energy, precision, musicality and swing (yes, swing, the drummer for journey swings his ass off!) played well with my Lieb, Wayne, Trane approach. As a general rule, our own musical predilections are a little different, but we found wonderful common ground, including some ferocious duets, and playing with him really helped raise the level of what I could do. Steve has moved out of the area now, splitting his time between Southern Oregon and Manhattan, and he’s on the road most of the year, so we don’t get much opportunity to play, but he is somebody with whom I know I could pick up where we left off whenever the chance does arrive.
Steve had some observations on the new generation jazz in NYC which gibed with mine on the new generation Bay Area jazz and what I’ve heard of the new NYC…there is a lot of beautiful, subtle and elegant music being made, but there is, to put it as Steve did, a feeling that the music never gets above medium. Steve went to hear a drumming hero and noted that the sax player, (no names, please) while excellent, never got above medium, and that is consistent with what he has heard. He contrasted that with Bob Berg, who always started his solos at "11". I think a lot of young tenor players learned the wrong lessons from Lovano, who was kind of presented as the anti-Brecker in the mid-80s. If you hear Joe live, you know that at his core, he is a powerful and ferocious swinger, but a lot of the younger generation is infatuated with his ethereal and abstract side, as well as the cerebralisms of Warne Marsh and ESPECIALLY Wayne, missing the fact of THEIR deeply swinging and passionate sides. All you have to do is listen to one Miles live recording from the 60s to hear it in Wayne. (I do confess to not being a huge Warne Marsh fan. I find the Tristano stuff a little bloodless, but save the angry emails. I recognize his brilliance and skill and intellect, it just does not speak to my heart. A little too chilly for me. Sometimes, no matter how tasty the gazpacho, if you don't like gazpacho, you don't like gazpacho, and I don't like gazpacho.)
Anyway, back to Steve's point on not going above medium. That makes sense to me, and I think a couple of things have happened. A lot of the most influential groups nowadays seem wary and suspicious of unfettered and cathartic emotion in the music, and seem determined to do what can best be called ironic jazz or raised eyebrow jazz. This is a huge departure from the tradition on which I was weaned, as were so many. From Louis to Lester to Bird to Miles to Trane to Wayne to Lieb to Brecker, you could call these guys many things, but ironic was not one of them. They were and are serious as a heart attack, no ironic distance from their own music. It had nothing to do with style either. Bill Evans and McCoy Tyner are about as polar opposites as one can think of, but both are/were utterly sincere and committed to their art. It does strike me that a lot of what I hear in the non-avant world now is almost clinically cool and detached, with an apparent deliberate desire to never go to 11, or, using a painter’s analogy, they throw all the reds and yellows and oranges out of the paint box.
Students of mine came to me the other day, raving about a version of Giant Steps with Brecker and Mintzer, wanting to know if there was anything else by them. I pulled Invitation from Jaco’s birthday celebration up, and we had our souls overwhelmed by the utterly ferocious burn coming from Mintzer and ESPECIALLY Brecker. It reminded me of when Rachel Z, George Schuller and I went to hear Steps Ahead with Brecker, Erskine, Eddie Gomez and Eliane Elias in Boston about 25 years ago. At one point, Brecker, Erskine and Gomez blew on the Young and Fine tag for about 10 minutes, and it just floored everyone. Schuller and I went back to his father’s (yes, Gunther) house afterwards, and played duos for about 3 hours later that night, trying to recreate some of that incendiary fire. THAT is what folks of my generation were suckled on, and while all of us did try to sound WAY too much like Mike Brecker for a while, the lesson of utter burn and commitment from Lieb, Brecker, Grossman, Berg, Joe Hen, Eddie Daniels, Bergonzi, and so on and so on was a good one.
To that end, we also went out to listen to any good players we could, wherever and whenever. Whether it was Bergonzi or Bob Mover for 7 people at the Willow or Brecker for 3000, we were there. In contrast, Susan and I were struck by how few Jazzschool students have come down to our Monday gigs at Anna's. They seem to be under the impression that going out to hear great live playing is not a part of becoming a better player. All modesty aside, there is no jazz quartet in town playing better than this one right now, and in our day, we all would have seized the opportunity to learn by listening. Nowadays, the youngsters have so many opportunities to play, from my jazzschool group to the various sfjazz all-star high school groups, and I fear that they will delude themselves into thinking that they are the shit, because they hear it so much. Yesterday, I worked with my student group and they sounded outstanding FOR 16 and 17 year olds!!! When I sat and listened to the trio of Susan, Shifflett and Bulkley the difference in level was, well…astonishing, and what you would expect when comparing master musicians who have been playing the music 20 to 40 years, compared with teenagers. Every aspiring Bay Area jazz musician should be down there as often as possible to soak it up and learn, because you just can’t get a lot of the magical, ineffable stuff from records. Every young drummer should be glued to Bulkley’s ride cymbal, his touch, his effortless musicality, to Shifflett’s profound groove and unerring artistry, to Susan’s beautiful comping and solo development, and so on…As much as I got from listening to all those Brecker recordings I absorbed, I got far far more from the evenings I heard him live, esp in the clubs in NYC, such as the night I rested a foot on the stage at the Vanguard, watched him with Abecrombie and said “oh, that’s what he’s doing there” or “oh, he played that cause of what Erskine just did on the drums” and so on.
Jazz is the ultimately communicative and interactive art form and is meant to be heard and seen live. I’ve played some good solos on record, but nothing like the live gigs. I think that is true for any real jazzer, and you can easily hear it by A/B-ing Trane live and in the studio. Of course, the extra spice, the secret sauce, the keys to the kingdom? Hearing and seeing it live – nothing matches it.
I had a conversation with one of my students, a great young kid, who was explaining that the reason he was thinking of Berklee over New York, was that he would have a chance to play with some of his best peers there, since he knew other Cali student hotshots going there. I tried to explain to him that the larger point was being in an environment where you could hear the best musicians in the world on a nightly basis in the clubs. Not sure he got it. Then again, these students don’t take advantage of that now, even in the bay area, and I think they are missing out because of it.
To bring the conversation full circle, I believe that one reason there is less burn, ferocity, passion etc is that the younger generation is so busy playing with fellow wunderkind peers that they don’t get out to listen, instead spending endless hours in some kind of superjazz kid hermetically sealed environment, even to the point where about 7-8 of the ones I teach recycle the same awkwardly hip lick amongst each other, and assure each other that it is the bomb. When they do listen, it is usually on Itunes to some bloodless studio recording or other, and rarely do they go to live gigs. I hate to say this, but when they do, it sometimes seems like it is for starfucking or career-enhancing opportunities. This may partially account for what Steve and I independently concluded was missing from a lot of the younger generation’s music. All trees, no forest.
Nuff said for now, though there may be another screed coming on jazz irony, something I think is antithetical to the art.
On two other brief notes, mad props to Stephen Colbert for speaking truthiness to power. He pantsed the supine and whorelike media and shamed Bush in the best tradition of the Shakespearean fool. And for the record, he was extraordinarily funny, too. Jonathan Swift would have been proud.
On another note, more mad props to Steve Nash, the Phoenix Suns and the triumph of we ball over me ball. How wonderful that 7 of the 8 teams standing are led by team-first players. The lesson people drew from Jordan was the wrong one, and, like a bad penny, spawned the Iverson, Marbury and especially Kobe phenomenon. Hopefully, with models like Dallas, San Antonio, Detroit, Phoenix and New Jersey, we will see the shaking off of me-ball and the ascension of we-ball as the model.
Anyway, between Nash and Colbert, sometimes the good guys do win, so I am raising a glass of the adult beverage of your choice to we ball and speaking truthiness to power.
In case you missed it, here is the transcript of Colbert’s brilliance:
STEPHEN COLBERT: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Before I begin, I've been asked to make an announcement. Whoever parked 14 black bulletproof S.U.V.'s out front, could you please move them? They are blocking in 14 other black bulletproof S.U.V.'s and they need to get out.
Wow. Wow, what an honor. The White House correspondents' dinner. To actually sit here, at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush, to be this close to the man. I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what? I'm a pretty sound sleeper -- that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face. Is he really not here tonight? Dammit. The one guy who could have helped.
By the way, before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Somebody from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail. Mark Smith, ladies and gentlemen of the press corps, Madame First Lady, Mr. President, my name is Stephen Colbert and tonight it's my privilege to celebrate this president. We're not so different, he and I. We get it. We're not brainiacs on the nerd patrol. We're not members of the factinista. We go straight from the gut, right sir? That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. I know some of you are going to say "I did look it up, and that's not true." That's 'cause you looked it up in a book.
Next time, look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works. Every night on my show, the Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, OK? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the "No Fact Zone." Fox News, I hold a copyright on that term.
I'm a simple man with a simple mind. I hold a simple set of beliefs that I live by. Number one, I believe in America. I believe it exists. My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I strongly believe it has 50 states. And I cannot wait to see how the Washington Post spins that one tomorrow. I believe in democracy. I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out of plastic for three cents a unit.
In fact, Ambassador Zhou Wenzhong, welcome. Your great country makes our Happy Meals possible. I said it's a celebration. I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible -- I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical. And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be you Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.
Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it's yogurt. But I refuse to believe it's not butter. Most of all, I believe in this president.
Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.
So, Mr. President, please, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. 32% means the glass -- it's important to set up your jokes properly, sir. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash.
Okay, look, folks, my point is that I don't believe this is a low point in this presidency. I believe it is just a lull before a comeback. I mean, it's like the movie "Rocky." All right. The president in this case is Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed is -- everything else in the world. It's the tenth round. He's bloodied. His corner man, Mick, who in this case I guess would be the vice president, he's yelling, "Cut me, Dick, cut me!," and every time he falls everyone says, "Stay down! Stay down!" Does he stay down? No. Like Rocky, he gets back up, and in the end he -- actually, he loses in the first movie.
OK. Doesn't matter. The point is it is the heart-warming story of a man who was repeatedly punched in the face. So don't pay attention to the approval ratings that say 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he's not doing? Think about it. I haven't.
I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message: that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound -- with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.
Now, there may be an energy crisis. This president has a very forward-thinking energy policy. Why do you think he's down on the ranch cutting that brush all the time? He's trying to create an alternative energy source. By 2008 we will have a mesquite-powered car!
And I just like the guy. He's a good Joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half. And polls show America agrees. She's a true lady and a wonderful woman. But I just have one beef, ma'am.
I'm sorry, but this reading initiative. I'm sorry, I've never been a fan of books. I don't trust them. They're all fact, no heart. I mean, they're elitist, telling us what is or isn't true, or what did or didn't happen. Who's Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American! I'm with the president, let history decide what did or did not happen.
The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man's beliefs never will.
As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of every story: the president's side, and the vice president's side.
But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they're super-depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished.
Over the last five years you people were so good -- over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.
But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the Decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know - fiction!
Because really, what incentive do these people have to answer your questions, after all? I mean, nothing satisfies you. Everybody asks for personnel changes. So the White House has personnel changes. Then you write, "Oh, they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic." First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg!
Now, it's not all bad guys out there. Some are heroes: Christopher Buckley, Jeff Sacks, Ken Burns, Bob Schieffer. They've all been on my show. By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be on my show. I was just as shocked as everyone here is, I promise you. How's Tuesday for you? I've got Frank Rich, but we can bump him. And I mean bump him. I know a guy. Say the word.
See who we've got here tonight. General Moseley, Air Force Chief of Staff. General Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. They still support Rumsfeld. Right, you guys aren't retired yet, right? Right, they still support Rumsfeld.
Look, by the way, I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble: don't let them retire! Come on, we've got a stop-loss program; let's use it on these guys. I've seen Zinni and that crowd on Wolf Blitzer. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you can stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle. Come on.
Jesse Jackson is here, the Reverend. Haven't heard from the Reverend in a little while. I had him on the show. Very interesting and challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but he's going to say what he wants, at the pace that he wants. It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
Justice Scalia is here. Welcome, sir. May I be the first to say, you look fantastic. How are you? [After each sentence, Colbert makes a hand gesture, an allusion to Scalia's recent use of an obscene Sicilian hand gesture in speaking to a reporter about Scalia's critics. Scalia is seen laughing hysterically.] Just talking some Sicilian with my paisan.
John McCain is here. John McCain, John McCain, what a maverick! Somebody find out what fork he used on his salad, because I guarantee you it wasn't a salad fork. This guy could have used a spoon! There's no predicting him. By the way, Senator McCain, it's so wonderful to see you coming back into the Republican fold. I have a summer house in South Carolina; look me up when you go to speak at Bob Jones University. So glad you've seen the light, sir.
Mayor Nagin! Mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city! Yeah, give it up. Mayor Nagin, I'd like to welcome you to Washington, D.C., the chocolate city with a marshmallow center. And a graham cracker crust of corruption. It's a Mallomar, I guess is what I'm describing, a seasonal cookie.
Joe Wilson is here, Joe Wilson right down here in front, the most famous husband since Desi Arnaz. And of course he brought along his lovely wife Valerie Plame. Oh, my god. [looks horrified] Oh, what have I said? I -- Je- minetti (sp?). I am sorry, Mr. President, I meant to say he brought along his lovely wife Joe Wilson's wife. Patrick Fitzgerald is not here tonight? OK. Dodged a bullet.
And, of course, we can't forget the man of the hour, new press secretary, Tony Snow. Secret Service name, "Snow Job." Toughest job. What a hero. Took the second toughest job in government, next to, of course, the ambassador to Iraq.
Got some big shoes to fill, Tony. Big shoes to fill. Scott McClellan could say nothing like nobody else. McClellan, of course, eager to retire. Really felt like he needed to spend more time with Andrew Card's children. Mr. President, I wish you hadn't made the decision so quickly, sir.
I was vying for the job myself. I think I would have made a fabulous press secretary. I have nothing but contempt for these people. I know how to handle these clowns.
In fact, sir, I brought along an audition tape and with your indulgence, I'd like to at least give it a shot. So, ladies and gentlemen, my press conference.
BEGINNING OF "AUDITION TAPE"
Colbert shows a video of a mock press conference. It opens with an empty podium. Colbert's head rises from behind the podium until Colbert is standing at the podium. He addresses the assembled Washington press corps.
COLBERT: I have a brief statement: the press is destroying America. OK, let's see who we've got here today.
COLBERT (acknowledging various reporters): Stretch! (David Gregory nods)
Sir Nerdlington! (reporter nods)
Sloppy Joe! (reporter nods)
Terry Lemon Moran Pie! (Terry Moran nods)
Oh, Doubting Thomas, always a pleasure. (Helen Thomas smiles)
And Suzanne Mal -- hello!!
(Suzanne Malveaux stares at Colbert, looking unhappy. Colbert mimics putting a phone to his ear and mouths "call me.")
REPORTER: Will the Vice President be available soon to answer all questions himself?
COLBERT: I've already addressed that question. You (pointing to another reporter).
REPORTER: Walter Cronkite, the noted CBS anchor, . . .
COLBERT (interrupting): Ah, no, he's the former CBS anchor. Katie Couric is the new anchor of the CBS Evening News. Well, well, how do you guys feel about that?
You, tousle-haired guy in the back. Are you happy about Katie Couric taking over the CBS Evening News?
DAN RATHER: No, sir, Mr. Colbert. Are you? (Laughter)
COLBERT: Boom! Oh, look, we woke David Gregory up. Question?
DAVID GREGORY: Did Karl Rove commit a crime?
COLBERT: I don't know. I'll ask him.
(Colbert turns to Rove) Karl, pay attention please! (Rove is seen drawing a heart with "Karl + Stephen" written on it.)
GREGORY: Do you stand by your statement from the fall of 2003 when you were asked specifically about Karl, and Elliott Abrams, and Scooter Libby, and you said "I've gone to each of those gentlemen, and they have told me that they are not involved in this." Do you stand by that statement?
COLBERT: Nah, I was just kidding!
GREGORY: No, you're not finishing. You're not saying anything! You stood at that podium and said . . .
COLBERT (interrupting): Ah, that's where you're wrong. New podium! Just had it delivered today. Get your facts straight, David.
GREGORY: This is ridiculous. The notion that you're going to stand before us after having commented with that level of detail and tell the people watching this that somehow you've decided not to talk. You've got to . . .
(Colbert is seen looking at three buttons on the podium, labeled "EJECT," "GANNON" and "VOLUME." He selects the "VOLUME" button and turns it. We see Gregory's lips continue moving, but can't hear any sound coming out.)
COLBERT: If I can't hear you, I can't answer your question. I'm sorry! I have to move on. Terry.
TERRY MORAN: After the investigation began, after the criminal investigation was underway, you said . . .
(Colbert presses a button on the podium and fast-forwards through most of Moran's question.)
MORAN (continuing): All of a sudden, you have respect for the sanctity of a criminal investigation?
COLBERT (seen playing with rubber ball, which he is bouncing off attached paddle): No, I never had any respect for the sanctity of a criminal investigation. Activist judges! Yes, Helen.
HELEN THOMAS: You're going to be sorry. (Laughter)
COLBERT (looking vastly amused, mockingly): What are you going to do, Helen, ask me for a recipe?
THOMAS: Your decision to invade Iraq has caused the deaths of thousands (Colbert's smile fades) of Americans and Iraqis, wounds of Americans and Iraqis for a lifetime.
COLBERT (interrupting): OK, hold on Helen, look . . .
THOMAS (continuing): Every reason given, publicly at least, has turned out not to be true. My question is, why did you really want to go to war?
COLBERT (again interrupting): Helen, I'm going to stop you right there. (Thomas keeps talking.) That's enough! No! Sorry, Helen, I'm moving on. (Colbert tries to turn her volume off, but the knob falls off his controls.)
(Various reporters start shouting questions at Colbert.)
COLBERT (agitated): Guys, guys, please don't let Helen do this to what was a lovely day.
(Reporters keep shouting at him.)
COLBERT (putting his fingers over his ears and shouting in a high-pitched voice): Bllrrtt! No, no, no, no, no. I'm not listening to you!
Look what you did, Helen! I hate you!
(Helen Thomas glowers at Colbert.)
COLBERT (frantic): I'm out of here!
(Colbert pulls back the curtain behind him, desperately trying to flee. He says, "There is a wall here!" The press corps laughs. Colbert has difficulty finding a door from which to exit the room, echoing Bush's experience in China. He finally finds the door and hurries through it.)
COLBERT: It reeks in there! Ridiculous! I've never been so insulted in my life! Stupid job.
(Colbert continues walking away. We hear sinister-sounding music playing. We see Helen Thomas walking behind Colbert.)
(Colbert looks behind him, sees Thomas, and starts running.)
(Colbert trips over a roller skate. He yells "Condi!" We see a close-up of Helen Thomas' face, looking determined and angry. Colbert, increasingly panicked, gets up and continues running, running into a parking garage. He reaches an emergency call box, and yells into it.)
COLBERT: Oh, thank God. Help me!
ATTENDANT: What seems to be the problem, sir?
COLBERT: She won't stop asking why we invaded Iraq!
ATTENDANT: Hey, why did we invade Iraq?
COLBERT: NO!!! (runs toward his car)
(We see Helen Thomas, still walking toward him.)
(Colbert reaches his car, and fumblingly attempts to open it with his key. He is in such a desperate hurry that he fumbles with the keys and drops them. When he picks them up, he looks back and Helen is even closer. In his frantic rush, Colbert just can't get the key into the lock.)
(Just as his anxiety is getting completely out of control he suddenly remembers that he has a keyless remote -- so he just pushes the button on the keychain and the car unlocks immediately with the usual double squeak noise. Colbert jumps in and locks the door, and continues to fumble trying to start the car. He finally succeeds, and looks up to see Helen standing in front of the car, notepad in hand.)
COLBERT: NO!!! NO!!!
(Colbert puts the car into reverse and drives off, tires squealing. Thomas smiles.)
(Colbert is shown taking the shuttle from Washington, D.C. to New York. A car and driver are waiting for him at Penn Station. The uniformed man standing alongside the car opens the door and lets Colbert in.)
COLBERT: What a terrible trip, Danny. Take me home.
(The driver locks the doors, turns around, and says, "Buckle up, hon." IT'S HELEN THOMAS!!!)
COLBERT (horrified face pressed against car window): NO!!!
END OF "AUDITION TAPE"
STEPHEN COLBERT: Helen Thomas, ladies and gentlemen. Mr. Smith, members of the White House Correspondents Association, Madame First Lady, Mr. President, it's been a true honor. Thank you very much. Good night!
Here is one place to watch the clip:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=364x1062761
posted by Michael Zilber at 10:36 AM
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